Author’s Note: This week’s installment was going to be an article on the moral argument about weather or not we should continue shopping at corporations like Amazon and Walmart despite their labor and business practices. I’m still researching that piece, and it will be coming soon since the rabbit hole of corporate welfare and various labor movements through history is pretty extensive reading to properly cover that topic. Instead this week, we’re going to be discussing a way every woman can empower themselves RIGHT NOW by setting boundaries with one of the most annoying relationship issues I’ve ever encountered. I also highly encourage men to read this; maybe you do it, too, and don’t realize its wrong. The “Me, Too! Movement” is one of the greatest things to happen for women since we finally got the right to vote in 1920. I applaud every single woman who has chosen to speak out about these issues that effect all of us instead of suffering in silence. We have made gargantuan strides since the days of Susan B Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and we will continue to march forward and let our voices be heard. We cannot become the strong, successful, independent ladies we want to be if we don’t start taking charge of the most intimate parts of our lives, and that’s why this article is absolutely relevant to “Eating the Elephant of Success.” Without further ado:
Ladies, have you ever went to “Netflix and chill” at someone’s house, expressed the desire to simply chill, drink some tea, and watch a show together, and had the guy in question continue to try and initiate sex even though you repeatedly expressed a desire not to? Have you ever just simply not been “in the mood” and ended up rolling your eyes, submitting, and “getting it over with” because it seemed easier than putting your foot down, potentially starting an argument, and having to listen to that lame-ass excuse about getting “blue balls?” (Guys, we know it’s bullshit. If it was really that bad of a problem or a legitimate medical thing, you’d excuse yourself to the restroom and discreetly play with Miss. Michigan for a few minutes.)
When we say, “I’m not really feeling it tonight, can we just cuddle and talk, maybe watch insertrandomshowhere instead?” That means exactly what we said.
It does not mean, “I’m playing hard to get to try and be cute and you just need to turn me on.”
It does not mean, “Keep slobbering on my neck and kissing on my shoulders, you can tell by how tense my body is now that I’m really enjoying this.”
And it definitely does not mean, “I understand I’m an object that exists only for your carnal pleasure and if you tell me I’m pretty enough times you’ll get what you want because I have issues with my self-esteem.”
My theory on why guys do this is because it’s worked so many times in the past with other women, they automatically assume it works for all of us. Perhaps, us ladies have been conditioned to submit to the whims of the men in our lives for too long by tolerating unacceptable behavior and that’s why we allow it to continue despite it causing us a significant amount of discomfort. (How many popular songs on the radio right now can you think of that have positive messages about women, or do most of them refer to us as “skanks,” “hoes,” “bitches,” etc and the only time they mention us it’s about doing degrading sex stuff to us?) We’re stronger than that, and we don’t have to put up with it anymore if we don’t want to. Nor should we feel the need to have to explain why; sometimes, we’re just not in the mood. Just not feeling it tonight. Period, end of story, stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
The next time you find yourself in this situation, push him away and re-assert your boundaries. Try saying, “Babe, I told you I’m just not in the mood tonight. If we can’t enjoy a quiet evening together in each other’s company without having to have sex, then it’s time for me to go home.” If he doesn’t respect that, you now have the knowledge he doesn’t really care about your needs and desires as a human being and we know exactly what we do once we have acquired that piece of information about a potential partner: drop it like it’s hot and delete that number.
I’m sure there’s going to be a few guys who comment on this and say, “Well, obviously she doesn’t care about my needs if she doesn’t want to have sex.” And to that, I respond: Miss Michigan (midwestern slang for…well…look down at your right hand and think about it for a second. Giggity.). You know what to do with “her” and you will achieve the same end result with that method as with actual hoo-hah. We know you’ve been perfectly capable of taking care of your own carnal needs since you were, like, 11, and therefore have no excuse for trying to coerce us into something we don’t want to do for your sole enjoyment. If your response to that is, “Well, I can make her feel good, too, and that’s taking care of her needs!” You’re still not listening: she said that her needs that night were for some human company and a relaxing, quiet evening, not the “D.” Next time, try to actively listen to your partner when they articulate what they want and respect them and their boundaries. If you can’t do this, you might be a selfish asshole.
And, it’s worth mentioning: on the flip side, if your man’s “not in the mood” for whatever reason, we need to respect that as well for the sake of achieving true equality. It’s 2018; nobody in this day and age should feel coerced into sex if they truly don’t want it.
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