I Went Trick-Or-Treating at 24; Or, Why Do Millenials Like Kid Stuff So Much?

A lot of things have changed since we were considered “kids.” I say “considered kids” because, as my 28-year old friend remarked at a recent party, “After all the adults are gone, we can bust out the weed stuff.” (The people 40+ years old being considered the adults here)

“You’re 24, dude. You’re in college, have a job, and pay your own car insurance. You’re an adult.” My older readers moan as they roll there eyes and tweet something about immature Millenials for their Euchre club to whine about at their next meeting.

There’s a lot of thinkpieces about how Millenials don’t really consider themselves adults, and I don’t think its because, as oft-reported, we don’t own houses, investment capital, or the same blue-collar jobs as our predecessors. Graduating high school used to be the classical coming-of-age moment; we imagined our parents walking triumphantly our of their High School auditoriums after transforming a-la Sailor Moon magic crystal Montague from greasy ganja-scented delinquent to instant investment banker as their diploma was placed in their hands.  Now it’s more like, “Cool, now I’m old enough to legally buy my cigarettes at the same party store I have been patronizing for slurpies since I could walk and it’d be cool if my diploma had my street name on it.” We didn’t feel any different or “more grown” after graduation; having a special piece of paper didn’t automatically make us more mature or responsible. We still liked Pokemon, Disney movies, and smoking pot was never “just a phase” for us ( https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/12/marijuana-overtakes-cigarettes-among-teens/420708/ ).

Despite taking on adult responsibilities (job, college, paying for our own phones, etc), mentally we never progressed to “adult,” and that’s not a bad thing. Remember all those movies about how family is more important than money, and not loosing the “Holiday spirit?” Maybe we were just subconsciously afraid of turning into the stereotypical lame adults in these movies, and still collecting Pokemon cards is our way of rebelling against being a “boring adult.” I don’t think anyone on this planet WANTS to wake up at 40 and find themselves overweight, married to someone they hate, with a bunch of kids they didn’t want. We don’t want to abandon our dreams and “face reality,” which in our minds mean acquiescing to turn into the depressed, unfulfilled adults we were surrounded by growing up.  We have the Interwebs, and know it’s entirely possible to put our musical and artistic talents in front of the right eyeballs, or, if we invest in Bitcoins or drop-ship the right way, we can get a piece of the Internet money pie without having to slave away for some turdlicker in a cubicle; we can slave away for ourselves in our bedroom cubicles until we hoard enough currency to throw a legendary Yacht party in Ibiza, complete with all the strippers and cocaine of our wildest dreams and culminating with VIP tickets to Tommorowland Belgium.

Don’t give up, kids. We’ll get there soon, and if we have to commandeer (Read: Pirate) the Yachts I’m assuming are parked outside Mar-A-Largo to do so, well, I guess that’s just part of the journey.

Discuss in the comments the most innovative Interwebs Money Making Scheme you’ve come across in your digital travels.


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