DIY Doctor: Treating a Skin Abscess 

No, nothe an absence,” that thing you got written up for back in high school when driving around the hood smoking weed sounded like a much better Monday than Geometry with Mrs. Lazyeye; ABSCESS, a potentially serious (and seriously painful!) condition related to bacterial infection.

In this installment of DIY Doctor, I’m playing guinea pig on myself and attempting to treat what I suspect may be an emerging issue. Don’t worry, guys, I’ve been monitoring my temperature and signs of infection and will take my financially forgone posterior to urgent care should the need arise.

MANDITORY LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I don’t have “professional” medical training and am not trying to offer advice. Do not try this at home; if you have a medical emergency for Duck’s sake go see a doctor! (Or the local vet who is willing to exchange his services for homemade hash brownies. Whatever. Just get that weird rash checked out before you boink anyone else, m’kay? Just like Momma said, “Sharing is caring unless it’s herpes.”)

WARNING: This post contains medical photos of a graphic nature that some people consider “yucky.” If you don’t like looking at bodily fluids/gross injuries you should probably stop reading now and wait for the next installment of PH.


Current body temp is 98F, a good sign that I’m not running a fever means any infection is not serious.

The recipie is simple: 1 tablespoon of baking soda, 1 tablespoon of salt, and a little water to make a paste. Here’s what mine looked like:

It was a little watery; I think I added too much liquid. Still , that shouldn’t hurt it’s effectiveness. The salt and baking soda are supposed to be antibacterial and help draw out the yucky bacteria filled pus that could cause infection problems.

Here’s what my arm looked like before I applied the paste:

As you can see, it’s swolen, red, and the skin around it looks yellowish from the pus underneath.

Here’s what it looks like when the paste is applied:

It feels cool and tingily, not at all unpleasant. My skin in the affected area is also very warm to the touch and the paste had a wonderful instant cooling sensation.

After about 15 minutes, it hardened into a cakey mass that cracked a little when I poked the edges. The instructions said to leave it on for 20 minutes, so I waited a little longer before washing off with warm water.

Here’s what my arm looked like after:

The redness and swelling was almost gone, and the paste was drawing the pus out of the wound! Hooray!

The instructions said one application should be sufficent, but I waited a week before posting since I wanted to see what happened. The other beginning signs of infection dissapeared as well.

DIY Doctor Verdict: 🍄🍄🍄🍄 🍄(I use shrooms instead of stars for a ratings system because of course I do)

Money burning a hole in your wallet? You can always give me some of it to say “thank you” for informing or making you smile today: . Your donations also will be assisting with paying for my college education, since student loans suck ass and my parents are broke. (I work two part times jobs like a good little citizen, and I’m trying to invest that money into some other exciting opportunities you’ll be reading about here on Planet Haley.) Help a sista out and when I’m a lawyer I’ll represent you pro Bono! (Unless you’re a neo-nazi or a war dog, because fuck those guys.)


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